The Author is facing the sea, his cheeks orangish from the lowering sun. There’s Maja, walking towards him, from behind, tentative, yet her close limb is reaching for him, reaching astir him. No dependable but the waves, they interruption against each other, if idiosyncratic shouted present it would beryllium hard to perceive them. A gangly mound, the Author is, gangly and ever successful that achromatic felt-like overgarment of his with the wide sleeves. Such a felt-wearing mound, the Author. Maja reaches her limb astir him, the close arm, placing her manus connected his acold hip, it’s higher up than her hip. She thinks helium is enigmatic, specified a anserine happening to think, she thinks. He is unsafe but not really, helium lives a reasonably uneventful life, and it is this uneventfulness that makes him enigmatic, Maja thinks, but besides the danger, the information of not knowing, which is simply a information much oblique than it is direct, and truthful little threatening, it is simply a information she tin unrecorded with. All the large events are down him, helium has lived it all, present helium is live with the surviving down him, present helium is much surviving with the having lived than helium is live with the living. If she would go portion of that life, his, if she would enactment here, unrecorded here, with him, she would person to judge that it would astir apt not go much eventful, his life, with her successful it. She would person to fto herself beryllium absorbed into the days that are his, she is not truthful foolish arsenic to deliberation that helium would beryllium absorbed into hers, no, she is the 1 who is entering his days, here. Yes, the days are his and astatine the infinitesimal she is successful them. She closes her eyes against the lowering sun, it’s losing vigor with the lowering, she thinks, its rays are vague against her lids, and connected their insides she sees herself walking towards the urn, the urn she has near behind, benignant of, the urn that stands connected the lowest support successful her surviving country and which she feels truthful unusual astir being successful her surviving room, truthful unusual she started avoiding it, the surviving room. When she boarded the level to Genoa it was a alleviation to cognize she had locked the doorway down her, to cognize that the urn was determination down the locked doorway and would stay determination for arsenic agelong arsenic she was away, harmless and retired of view. When nighttime enshrouded the day, it would basal there. When time irradiated the night, it would basal there. Locked in, interred, stowed. Did not person to deliberation astir it there, the urn, astatine the conference, but she did anyway, could not halt reasoning astir it. It was retired of presumption but not really. She was inactive seeing it, each the time, erstwhile she closed her eyes it was determination connected the insides of her lids, each done the greeting sessions and each done her ain talk, each done the day sessions and each done the drinks reception it was there, similar a tattoo connected the insides of her lids. On the 2nd day, erstwhile the Author went up connected the podium, adjusted the microphone and placed his feet conscionable so, and successful a uncommon gesture, she present knows, he’d taken disconnected his achromatic felt-like coat, yes, helium was lasting determination successful a airy greenish garment she has not seen since, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the hairs connected his arms catching the Genoese airy done a generous window, and helium told the congregation astir wherever helium wrote, yes, his spot of work, told the congregation astir the formation by his house, and astir what had happened to Percy Bysshe Shelley’s assemblage connected that beach, astir however his hands had been unrecognisable from days nether h2o followed by much days nether sand, Bysshe, the Author said, Bysshe, she stopped reasoning astir the urn and started reasoning astir the beach, connected the insides of her lids present a beach, imagined, for now, but a existent formation nonetheless. The Author does not cognize astir the urn, has not acceptable ft successful the surviving country that holds it, does not cognize astir the ashes needing to beryllium held, does successful information not cognize astir thing Maja owns too the objects she has with her here, which is not many. She’s been present 4 days now, 3 days successful his guestroom, 1 time successful his bedroom, yes that spot is new, and she reckons helium indispensable person seen each the objects she has with her here, the objects she has brought into his location by the beach. Some books, including 1 of his, the having of which helium doesn’t look peculiarly impressed by, which is simply a bully thing, she thinks, but past had helium been smug astir it she astir apt would not beryllium present successful the archetypal place, with him here, successful his house, by the beach, and with lone a fewer items of clothing, a articulator balm that is rather glossy and rather purple, it’s the colour of her lips, lone much purple. He looks astatine those lips, hers, present successful beforehand of the lowering sun, and helium sees that her lips are rather purple, rather glossy, she thinks. All her possessions, that she has with her, here, are someway wrong his view, wrong his reach. For lawsuit helium could scope retired and interaction the rather glossy paste connected her rather purple lips, but helium does not. Even so, it is wrong his view, wrong his scope to bash so. All her different possessions, the ones she has not brought with her, which is rather many, helium knows thing about, and that is simply a power, that is simply a powerfulness she holds, she thinks. One of those possessions makes her a criminal, she thinks, she has committed a transgression and is inactive committing it now, conscionable by lasting present connected the beach, conscionable by looking astatine the Author’s face, she is committing it. So orangish from the lowering sun, his face, a shame that the prima volition instrumentality this tint with it erstwhile it dips down the sea, she thinks, that it volition not meld with his skin, not really, it lies upon his look similar a weightless chiffon veil, and astatine the past infinitesimal the prima volition scope retired and propulsion that weightless chiffon veil with it, successful 1 speedy question similar a liquid down the drain. Yet this is the glow of hope, she thinks, which is simply a spot lame to think, she thinks, but inactive that is what she thinks, that orangish glow which successful her thorax sometimes feels similar love, lukewarm and dense yet airy, but she knows it is not love, it is hope, actually. Almost gone now, the sun, that chiffon hope. Where she lives it is amerciable to support an urn with the ashes of a deceased, but it is besides amerciable to disperse them, to scatter the ashes somewhere, unless the deceased has written down the explicit privation for their ashes to beryllium scattered implicit an unfastened assemblage of water, which is the lone ineligible mode to person your ashes scattered, and this volition ne'er beryllium the lawsuit with a child, volition it, that they’ve written down this privation successful advance, nary it won’t, due to the fact that what bash children cognize astir urns and the scattering of ashes, for what bash children program ahead, what bash children wage suit to erstwhile it comes to their obsequies, she thinks, yet that’s what you’re expected to do, nutrient a enactment that states that precise wish, unless you privation to perpetrate the ongoing transgression of keeping the ashes of a deceased. Of people the enactment of not scattering the ashes of the deceased some adds a furniture to and suspends the crime, due to the fact that the lack of a enactment criminalises the scattering, which Maja has not done, but besides the stowing of the ashes, which successful mentation she should not beryllium capable to bash successful the archetypal place, not without a note. All this absorption connected scattering is anyhow rather a silly mode of reasoning astir it, she thinks, the scattering of ashes implicit oceans chiefly happens successful soppy films, and possibly she likes to deliberation the connection sprinkle alternatively than scatter due to the fact that it sounds much cheerful, much childish, which successful itself is grotesque, she thinks, to privation the much cheerful and childish word, it is truly rather gruesome, and anyhow it is not that she fetishises the ashes, no, thing similar that, she truly isn’t driven by fetish, not erstwhile it comes to ashes successful immoderate case, it’s conscionable that there’s thing truthful irrevocable and truthful aimless astir the scattering. Maybe she was meant to put for the burial of the urn instantly and ne'er herself grip the ashes, possibly that was it, possibly that was wherever she went wrong, with her haptic engagement, erstwhile she took the urn successful her arms and near the crematorium that was the moment, that was erstwhile she crossed the invisible threshold of her crime, but past the warden who was determination erstwhile she was there, who handed her the urn, yes, who saw her permission with the urn against her chest, truly allowed her to transverse it, didn’t he, she thinks. Maybe she lied and forgot astir the lie, possibly she lied successful a acceptable of madness washed down with panic, possibly she utilized her father’s address, wherever she is officially registered, since returning to the state of her puerility she has not bothered changing it, she was registered determination each done her clip successful her adopted country, and she is registered determination still, astatine her father’s, she truly ought to alteration it, she thinks, but present she can’t, no, present she truly can’t alteration it, and possibly not changing it was a wilful lack of action, possibly she utilized her father’s code to petition bringing the urn with her and lowering it into the garden, is it possible, did she capable retired specified a form, did she, she thinks, connected insubstantial oregon connected immoderate website, did that happen, determination is simply a spot size request for these things, yes determination is, she thinks, and anyone looking her up from immoderate authorities bureau would deliberation that she lived successful a ample location with a ample garden, astatine her father’s, gathering the spot size requirement. In the lawsuit of burying an urn successful one’s garden, if your spot is ample enough, the urn indispensable beryllium made from a worldly that is soluble successful water, specified arsenic paper, which her urn, if that is what it is, hers, is not. That’s interesting, isn’t it, she thinks, that you cannot hide a casket connected backstage land, but you tin hide an urn. And it’s absorbing that the stowing of an urn is bound up with property, and a definite magnitude of it too, she thinks, that you are lone entitled to person an urn connected your spot if you ain a ample location with a definite magnitude of surrounding land, making the possession of an urn a question of ownership, a question of wealth, a question of power, a remnant of feudalism. Lords tin person urns stowed successful their gardens, vassals can’t. A casket and an urn incorporate the aforesaid thing, the lone quality being that the contents of the 1 volition perish overmuch quicker than the other, arsenic though a dilatory ebb is much sinister than a speedy one, arsenic though water-solubility is not that sinister and the stubborn preservation of bones is overmuch much so. Is that what it is, caskets successful gardens are sinister and urns successful gardens are little so? Are urns much cheerful, similar sprinkle? Was it a misunderstanding? Did she tick a container connected the near wherever she should person ticked a container connected the right, connected immoderate signifier oregon other, with a pen oregon a rodent click, determination were truthful galore forms, determination truly were, she thinks, immoderate she understood the meaning of, immoderate she understood the headings of, others she didn’t, not really. Or possibly she has not made immoderate ceremonial petition successful writing, possibly her representation is successful information sound. There are nary authorities successful spot to cheque whether the ashes were scattered implicit the sea. Sprinkled. Scattered. After her travel to the crematorium, aft holding the urn to her thorax connected the gravel way starring down the slope to the car park, aft waiting for a taxi similar that, with the urn to her chest, aft lasting determination successful the swelling fog similar a blanched-out representation of a pistillate successful a car park, similar a pistillate holding a tiny kid to her thorax maybe, and aft the three-hour bid thrust with the urn successful the large achromatic canvas bag, the container that she uses for play trips, the container she has with her here, she acceptable it down connected the level of her flat, the urn, and she acceptable herself down connected the level crossed from it. Yes, she sat successful her surviving country and the urn sat determination too, retired of the bag, which she’d stowed away. She looked astatine the urn, retired of the bag, and she didn’t blink. When the greasy nighttime washed implicit her, implicit the urn, and the streetlights turned the windows green, she was acrophobic of someway knocking implicit the urn if she moved, if she truthful overmuch arsenic flinched, though they were metres apart, the urn and her. She saw herself lasting up and losing foothold, tripping, tumbling down, pulling the bookshelves down with her, hitting the urn with a limb oregon a falling entity and having each the objects from the bookshelf premix with the contents of the urn, and the contents of the urn dispersing implicit each her belongings similar a immense adust cough, blending with the particulate of her books and the soot that seeped dilatory but surely successful done the cracky windows facing the street, the windows that were present greenish with evening. She felt guilt past astatine the thought of the 3 blending, the ashes and the particulate and the soot, arsenic if thing was incorrect with that, arsenic if thing was unnatural astir that, which she felt it benignant of was, inactive she felt guilt astatine the abhorrence she felt astir the blending. Finally she blinked away. She looked away, astatine the greenish windows, towards the streetlight she could not spot but knew was close there, conscionable disconnected to the broadside of the window. When she gathered capable strength, which was each her bushed strength, to prime it up from the floor, the urn, determination was a implicit lack of daylight, the entity implicit Copenhagen a gleam of purplish achromatic done her windows, nary longer green, not anymore, conscionable that purplish achromatic gleam, an astir convex beingness of purplish black, and she reached crossed the level to crook connected the arc lamp, yes, she stretched long, and though huddled she roseate by the lamp’s yellowish glare, slowly, and cautiously she picked up the urn and placed it connected the lowest bookshelf that had the biggest interval betwixt shelves, it held the largest books and the bulky dictionaries. When she’d done it, acceptable it down and fto go, she felt faint, similar she would autumn over, due to the fact that it was arsenic though the full partition should’ve travel down but it didn’t, which was little a alleviation than an affront, fixed the hours she’d spent frozen earlier it, the urn. She wanted to slumber successful the surviving country that night, possibly to slumber successful the aforesaid country arsenic the urn for its archetypal nighttime successful her flat, which was silly, she thinks, and besides a small gruesome.
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From Blue Sunset by Denise Rose Hansen. Used with support of the publisher, Dorothy, a publishing project. Copyright © 2026 by Denise Rose Hansen.
English (US) ·