“Copernicus Is Dying”

It seems impossible, but the lanky Petco cashier with the shiny blond pompadour insists that he’s telling the truth.

“A shortage?” I ask.

He nods.

“All of them?” He nods again.

I look astatine his sanction tag with the thought that I volition usage his sanction and frankincense go charming, and helium volition confess helium was lying, and I volition avert catastrophe with my son. His sanction tag says, HI, MY DOG’S NAME IS BETTY. Panicking, I look astatine the sanction tag. Am I expected to telephone him “Betty,” oregon “the Petco Cashier Whose Dog’s Name Is Betty”?

He notices my staring and adjusts the sanction tag self-consciously.

“Cute name,” I say.

“What?” helium says, sounding alarmed.

I interest helium thinks I called him cute, truthful I blurt, “The dog, your dog’s name, it’s cute! Betty? Betty?” I constituent astatine his thorax and repetition “Betty” until different Petco worker arrives, a large antheral with patchy achromatic eyebrows and, according to his nametag, a parrot named Van Helsing.

“Problem?” the antheral asks.

“No, no, no,” I say, pointing and laughing.

“This woman,” the cashier says, astir whispering, “is looking to bargain immoderate ample crickets.”

“But there’s a shortage,” the antheral replies.

I determine to effort different Petco. It’s crossed the bridge, and I volition person to thrust thirty-five minutes and wage a six-dollar toll to get to it, but I volition thrust and pay. It’s not that I don’t judge the Petco employees astatine the archetypal location. It’s that I can’t ideate a world successful which a shortage of ample crickets tin happen. Nationwide, they said. Some occupation with the breeders. It is, I think, un-American.

Inching implicit the bridge, I effort to representation each the nation’s cricket breeders and their futile efforts and frustrations, their precocious nights spent worrying implicit tiny mating habits. Aren’t crickets expected to breed a lot? It seems similar they’d person to, considering however galore things tin termination them. They’d person to replenish the satellite with jumpy, crunchy bodies.

At the 2nd Petco, different cashier—this 1 an aged pistillate with a painfully choky bun and a feline named Rebecca—tells maine the aforesaid thing. “Nationwide shortage.” She sighs, arsenic if she’s had to accidental this a lot.

I telephone my lad from the car with shaking hands.

“He’s dying,” Noah says. “Copernicus is dying, Mom.”

I fishy this is true. My son’s lizard looks emaciated and spends each time and nighttime hiding underneath a portion of wood. It’s due to the fact that I haven’t fed him successful implicit a week. I kept forgetting to spell to the Petco aft enactment due to the fact that Dave utilized to beryllium connected cricket duty. And present that I’ve yet remembered, I can’t get immoderate ample crickets. Of course.

“But there’s a shortage,” I say.

“You’re lying,” Noah says. Then helium hangs up.

In the resulting silence, I perceive blame. I perceive Noah saying with an adult-like precision helium does not possess, Why did you committedness Dave would beryllium successful our lives for bully if helium was conscionable going to battalion up and leave? And of people I can’t archer him, Well, however could I person known that 1 time I’d find Dave caught successful a stereotype, with his manus up the skirt of 1 of his assemblage students—a miss who, adjacent successful her Instagram photos, has the confused, brand-new look of a baby? Or that I would conscionable barely—regretfully, even—summon the courageousness to footwear him out? I inquire you, however could I person known? How the fuck could I person known?

Instead, I outcry and honk my horn successful protestation against the chaos and cruelty of the universe. The Petco cashier with the feline named Rebecca knocks connected the hood of my car. A agelong enactment of carts extends beyond either broadside of her aged body. “Dear?” she says arsenic I rotation down my window.

I hitch snot from my chemoreceptor with the extremity of my sleeve and look into her face.

“Maybe I could assistance you to immoderate tiny crickets?” she continues. “We person immoderate of those, I think. It’s the ample crickets nary 1 has due to the fact that of the clip they instrumentality to mature.”

I deed the horn 1 much time—because wherefore can’t the breeders fig things out? Why can’t the Petco employees expect that I’d judge tiny crickets successful spot of ample ones? Why can’t I deliberation to inquire the close questions, specified arsenic Are there, perhaps, crickets of different size available? oregon Can I really spot you with my beingness and my kid, Dave?—and travel her backmost inside.

Copernicus becomes frenzied the infinitesimal helium hears the tiny crickets descent from the bag. Noah laughs. For a moment, I deliberation each is forgiven, but past Noah sits connected the level by the terrarium and hugs his arms tightly astir his body. His bladed fingers astir interaction down his back. “Hey,” I say. “Hey, now.” Noah squeezes his eyes shut.

I tin spot the reflection of his hard small look and assemblage successful the glass, surrounded by the detritus of his kid things. His unmade bed. His bright-orange socks and Nintendo Switch.

“You were lying,” helium says without opening his eyes.

“Hey,” I accidental again, sitting beside him. I wonderment however I tin explicate astir the breeders and their issues with the ample crickets, oregon the occupation of ne'er being capable to cognize a idiosyncratic fully, oregon the inevitability of heartbreak. Now I tin spot my look successful the glass, too, but my look is unreadable and offers nary help.

I wouldn’t judge me, either.

Still, I scope for Noah, to bring him close. At the dependable of my movement, helium opens his eyes and shifts away.

I cognize I shouldn’t, but I scope for him again, leaning to the broadside and stretching my limb astir his shoulders. He springs to his feet and rushes to the door.

“Where are you going?” I telephone aft him.

He walks distant arsenic if helium can’t perceive me, oregon arsenic if it’s my dependable compelling him to go. A fewer seconds later, I perceive the muffled sounds of the surviving country TV.

For a while, I beryllium alone, staring astatine Copernicus’s terrarium. I ideate that Noah’s adjacent to maine inactive and that I negociate to determination and talk successful a mode that does not repel him. In fact, I don’t effort to propulsion him to maine astatine all; I don’t get hopeless for his tegument against my skin, his dependable pulse. Instead, I stay successful his presence, contented with his anger, which is temporary. Content with the information that I have, aft all, successfully fed Copernicus. And Noah and I proceed to ticker Copernicus’s airy pinkish lingua lapping up the tiny crickets.

Eventually, Noah laughs again, and this clip it is simply a laughter that releases his anger, that releases me. “There,” Noah says to america all. “That’s better.”

And I bash consciousness better.

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Excerpted from Please Don’t Touch the Body: Stories. Used with the support of the publisher, Bloomsbury. Copyright © 2026 by Emily Doyle