Famous Men

He doesn’t retrieve me, but I cognize who helium is. The biographer and I met astatine a enactment Nathaniel took maine to astir a twelvemonth aft I arrived successful New York, a literate fundraiser astatine 1 of those apartments wherever the elevator opens close into the surviving room. “Wilhelmina, this bully antheral wants to constitute astir me,” Nathaniel said. “Your duty contiguous is to transportation him of a amended idea.”

A tray of miniature hamburgers floated by, and the biographer grabbed 1 and ate it looking down astatine my feet. He was squarely middle-aged, with a saddish look and damp-looking tegument that suggested an indoor life. He followed america from the barroom to the bookshelves and backmost again arsenic Nathaniel drifted done the assemblage greeting people. Nathaniel, arsenic I recall, was benignant but distracted, and astir apt irritated by however I hovered astatine his elbow, laughing a bushed precocious astatine each joke. I was excessively caller to that country to speech to anyone without them addressing maine first. And who would? I was, what, twenty-four, conspicuously younger than each different guest. For months, I’d wanted Nathaniel to bring maine on to 1 of his obligations, arsenic helium called them—but erstwhile I got there, I recovered it sterile and frightening. All those long-haired women with their stylish glasses, the men, similar the biographer, looking astatine maine successful that furtive, knowing way, similar I was something—a dollar bill, oregon a pen—Nathaniel mightiness driblet for them to prime up.

“I’m going to bash it, you know,” the biographer said, grabbing different tiny hamburger. “Write that book.” On the mantel supra the fireplace—a fireplace, successful a penthouse!—the hosts grinned from a photo, bookended by Bill and Hillary Clinton.

“The definitive biography! Get successful line,” I said, taking a sip of wine. I’d ne'er heard thing from anyone astir a biography, but amplifying Nathaniel’s value seemed a cardinal task successful my vague occupation description, on with maintaining the orderliness of his sock drawer and ever being disposable for a daytime travel to the movie theater.

“To deliberation helium wanted to beryllium an actor,” the biographer said. “Can you imagine?” Nathaniel was already a fewer steps away, making a 4th helium kept successful his suit pouch for this intent look and vanish down an aged woman’s ear.

“Nathaniel arsenic an actor?” I said. “Of people I can.” “I mean a satellite wherever helium ne'er wrote his books.”

In those aboriginal days I could beryllium disarmed by the performative fandom of Nathaniel’s readers. They were contributing to a antithetic conversation, a concealed 1 astir power and loyalty and presumption that underpinned the 1 happening connected the surface. I hadn’t learned to perceive it yet. “No, I can’t,” I agreed. And wasn’t it true? Nathaniel’s books had made this satellite for me. They’d been the doorway, and present present I was, connected the inside.

At the clip of the party, the biographer had not yet written a azygous biography. I had written galore poems, but not yet thing Nathaniel liked. Nathaniel had written six collections of poetry, 2 screenplays, 4 literate novels, 1 effort collection. A publication of nutrient writing; a pocket-sized postulation of aphoristic wisdoms astir the upwind that sold amended than each the poesy books combined. A best-selling memoir that had been adapted into a movie; a gritty, out-of-character romance that had been adapted into an adjacent much celebrated movie.

Lili had not yet written the portion that would alteration each our lives.

I took a hamburger, too, and ate it looking into the biographer’s eyes. A portion of bun fell consecutive retired of my mouth. The biographer watched it autumn and past stepped connected it, arsenic if to fell my atrocious manners from some of us. In Nathaniel’s settings, I was mostly quiescent and accommodating. But sometimes an impulse to beryllium distasteful would overtake me. I didn’t cognize however to explicate these urges to myself—or to Nathaniel, erstwhile helium noticed—and they were ever followed by an effervescent, astir pleasurable burst of shame. After I finished the burger, I wiped my fingers connected my thigh, blushing.

The biographer got to talking astir his flat successful Williamsburg, a vicinity being gentrified into oblivion. In five, six years, helium said, surviving connected Graham Avenue would beryllium similar surviving successful a foodstuff bar. 2017 seemed arsenic acold distant to maine arsenic Michigan. When helium asked, I said I was surviving successful Manhattan, and past I changed the subject. I was surviving successful Nathaniel’s spare room. I was Nathaniel’s spare girl. Assistant, I told him, successful effect to the biographer’s precisely executed question astir my narration to Nathaniel. Literary assistant.

The prima had set. The cityscape done the windows was similar a starry nighttime from the future, galactic and buzzing. Over by the bar, Nathaniel gave maine the awesome for let’s split, the 1 we’d planned connected the locomotion over—a digit weapon raised to his head. But past a pistillate successful a agelong formal grabbed his limb and helium turned toward her, taking the portion she offered. I tried not to look disappointed.

“Stop touching your hair,” the biographer said. We’d been trapped unneurotic each evening, 2 shy losers.

“What?”

“When you talk, you interaction your hairsbreadth implicit and over.” He made an effeminate swooping motion; it took a bushed to admit helium was showing maine myself. “It makes you look insecure.” He reached retired and paused my hand. I was startled to find helium was right—his manus and excavation were successful my hairsbreadth now, astir cupping my face. There was thing comic astir this intimacy and I laughed without meaning to, but erstwhile the biographer didn’t join, I stopped, a spot afraid. He brought my manus down slowly, arsenic if I couldn’t beryllium trusted to bash it myself. When my limb was safely by my side, helium wrapped his fingers astir my wrist, measuring its perimeter, and past squeezed my hand.

“That’s it,” helium said. “Relax.” I tried not to determination my arm. Adjusting my hairsbreadth would beryllium a point, but I couldn’t warrant helium would construe the enactment arsenic rebellion, alternatively of much involuntary pistillate idiocy. So I pretended I had nary arm, nary manus astatine all. When my hairsbreadth drifted into my face, I blew it away, wishing I were a antithetic benignant of woman.

Oh, the alleviation erstwhile Nathaniel appeared beside the biographer with my purse. The happening astir surviving successful New York City was that nary substance however atrocious an lawsuit was, erstwhile you left, you were inactive successful New York City. Down connected the street, I skipped, I was truthful happy, and that made Nathaniel laugh. “Never instrumentality maine to different enactment again,” I said, and we shook connected it.

“Shall we tally back?” helium asked. I didn’t deliberation helium was serious, but helium took off, his overgarment winging arsenic helium weaved betwixt clusters of radical connected the sidewalk. They cursed astatine him, jumped aside, stared successful wonderment astatine the gray-haired antheral galloping successful his formal shoes. Within a infinitesimal helium had a artifact connected me, but then—I was conscionable drunk capable for this—I kicked my kitten heels disconnected and held them successful 1 manus arsenic I ran. The metropolis nether my feet had an animal’s warm, breathing give, scaled with solid and vessel caps and still-burning cigarettes. I caught Nathaniel by the overgarment and lone past did helium slow. I was sweating; helium was not. We got dollar slices a artifact from Nathaniel’s apartment, licking lipid disconnected our fingers arsenic we made amusive of the mode the biographer stuck to my side, acrophobic to beryllium seen successful that country lasting alone. “I tin lone ideate the questions he’d ask,” Nathaniel said. “What was your parent like?” He started successful connected his crust. My heels were bleeding, but I couldn’t consciousness it yet. I loved him precise much.

Now, the archetypal enactment of the biographer’s email: I don’t think we’ve met.

Outside the model of my impermanent office, everything is gray—gray leaves, grey sky, grey sidewalk, the students walking successful pairs and trios toward the cafeteria, which hulks grayly connected the horizon. It’s been 5 years since that atrocious party; Nathaniel is owed to get successful Rosendale successful a substance of days, for a speechmaking I couldn’t negociate to get canceled. I americium writing the authorized biography of Nathaniel Fellow, writes the biographer. Authorized! Was it imaginable Nathaniel had agreed? Worry churns successful my gut astatine the thought, and I effort to disregard it. Not my occupation anymore. I was told you knew him well, the biographer writes. Would you beryllium open to a brief interview?

Maybe he’s conscionable being polite, but the email is worded stiffly, a modification of a form. This happens to maine often. I was a beauteous miss successful a metropolis afloat of beauteous girls. Easy to forget.

*

If you privation to constitute fiction, Nathaniel said, commencement with arsenic galore existent details arsenic possible. His women were mostly based connected women he’d known. His men were mostly based connected him. Versions of him, helium said. One tin benignant of propulsion one’s voice. The writer’s job, archetypal and foremost, is to marque what they are lying astir consciousness true. We were connected a broad successful Sheep Meadow erstwhile helium told maine this, uncovering shapes successful the clouds, a crippled I’d ne'er played, not adjacent successful childhood. And then, erstwhile the happening is written, alteration it up conscionable capable truthful the idiosyncratic you’ve stolen from doesn’t admit themselves. Elephant, helium said. The Mackinac Bridge! The clouds floated into caller shapes. A strawberry burst successful my mouth.

The biographer astir apt wouldn’t deliberation to inquire maine astir Nathaniel arsenic a teacher—he’d inquire his verifiable erstwhile students, if helium could get immoderate of them to answer.

Another 1 of Nathaniel’s rules: If you request the past to archer a story, you’re telling the incorrect story. When I started penning fiction, helium handed each my stories backmost with the archetypal 3 oregon 4 pages cut. I learned helium did this to astir of his students. He’d skim the archetypal fewer pages, scanning for thing interesting, and past write: Start here. Almost always, the 2nd drafts were improvements.

I cognize wherever he’d commencement our story. His office, precocious August, New York City. A woman, opening the door. I’d work scenes similar it truthful galore times; erstwhile helium called for maine to travel in, looked up from his desk, it wasn’t him I saw, not exactly, but him seeing me. The moment, arsenic I lived it, played done his eyes: the miss with her agelong hairsbreadth down, lip-stick an endearing bid to look older, bare legs shiny with lotion. A dense container of books, the pretense for this meeting, slipping disconnected her shoulder, tugging the strap of her inexpensive formal with it.

I’ll statesman our communicative overmuch earlier than helium would, and with a fact.

Nathaniel didn’t cognize I existed until I made him larn my name.

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From Famous Men by Julie Buntin. Copyright © 2026 by Julie Buntin. Published by Random House, an imprint and part of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.